Some American culture is worth succumbing to – like mad discounts on desirable stuff for ‘Black Friday’. While we call them ‘shopping centres’ they tend to prefer ‘malls’. Regardless, here are 10 that we reckon it’s probably best to avoid this Black Friday…
Twin Pines Mall
Back to the Future (1985)
Risk: If the Libyan terrorists don’t get you, there’s still a chance that you may be run over by a suddenly materialising stainless steel car.
Dixie Centre Shopping Center
The Blues Brothers (1980)
Risk: Ask for a Miss Piggy and you may get bulldozed by a s–tbox Dodge driven by two musicians of questionable morals – but unquestionable musical chops.
Edne Prairie Center
Risk: While the chance of running into Stan Lee appeals, we’d be worried about the bad juju this place has when it comes to relationships.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009)
Risk: In theory an overly-enthusiastically policed mall should be a joy, however you run a high risk here of becoming entangled in a Segway.
Scenes from a Mall (1991)
Risk: Oh no, Bette Midler! But seriously, we can’t speak for you, but we can speak for we, and we wouldn’t want to risk running into Woody Allen. Or a mime, for that matter.
Dawn of the Dead (1978)
Risk: Forget the “Sale! Sale! Sale!’ signs, this joint should cut the crap and put up ‘Zombies! Zombies! Zombies’ warnings.
Eight Legged Freaks (2002)
Risk: Arachnaphobia is a serious thing when spiders are normal-sized. But mutant spiders that have grown to enormous proportions? Uh, no thanks. Also, you may lose your ability to properly hyphenate.
San Dimas Mall
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989)
Risk: While we’re sure that some of our Wyld Stallynz pair’s new pals would be fascinating, that crazy Genghis Khan dude is enough to keep us way, way, way, way away.
Sherman Oaks Galleria
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
Risk: Do you want to risk getting slaughterated by a gun-totin’ robot Arnold Schwarzenegger from the future? You may say you’ll be back, but we say hasta la vista… baby.
Del Amo Fashion Center
Bad Santa (2003)
Risk: It’s November. We’re still a month out from Christmas. Do we really want to have the kids nagging to visit Santa, let alone sitting upon this drunken bum’s knee?
- Note: We’ve used some genuine mall location names here, and would like to clarify that in the real world you shouldn’t feel any need to avoid them, as we’re sure that they’re really quite nice.