You’re sitting on the couch in your banana print jim-jams, with a box of Pizza Shapes and a pep tea. Your cat Mr Meowgi is purring contentedly next to your elbow. You pick up the remote and hit the red rubber button at the top.
Onto the screen leaps a diabolical looking man with long teeth and a glittering bandana with a cocktail umbrella in it. “Ahoy-hoy and welcome to Vinyl Idol,” he says. “Today we are discussing classics, and what better way to test your conviction than by asking you to make a most difficult choice? Far more difficult than choosing Pizza Shapes over Chicken Crimpys.”
You look at Mr Meowgi. He looks at you.
“Ten classics!” the man hollers. “And only one may you choose. Feast your eyes upon the cream of the crop.
“Pink Floyd, masters of progressive psych, and their seminal The Dark Side of the Moon. Disco prince and King of Pop, Michael Jackson, and his electrifying Thriller. Iconic Australian bad boys AC/DC and their multi-platinum Back in Black. Folk rock legend Bob Dylan’s eclectic, exuberant Blonde on Blonde. The best boss you ever had Bruce Springsteen and his record-smashing masterpiece Born in the USA. The critically lauded Diesel and Dust from dynamic force of rock Midnight Oil. Unabashed thrash-punk-hip-hop political powerhouse Rage Against the Machine and their face-melting, self-titled debut. The bona fide genre-busting London Calling by English punk rock majesties The Clash. The only fully complete album by emotive wunderkind Jeff Buckley – and according to some, the only perfect album ever – Grace. Theatrical and inventive hip hop maestros The Wu-Tang Clan and their astonishingly artful debut, Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers).”
You squint contemplatively at the shiny LP covers fanned over the screen. You lean forward and peer steadily, intently, keenly into the box. MJ is undoubtedly up there, but The Clash are such legends. Of course, there’d be nothing like hearing Jeff Buckley on vinyl, but then Back in Black is so much fun. Your eyes start to fizz.
“ONLY ONE, MY FRUITY FRIEND,” the man shrieks. “Or the kitty gets it.”
a) Turn off the television, grab Mr Meowgi and hide in the washing basket
b) Call Channel Nine and inform them they’ve been hacked by a glamorous nut
c) Enter our competition to win all 10 titles on vinyl
d) Bow to your new lord and make your vinyl selection: